So i thought i'd Share.
Every morning men wake up to this catch-22: you desperately have to
pee, but you have an erection, which makes it hard to urinate, but the
hard-on won't go away until you empty your bladder. It's almost
impossible to aim at the toilet when your penis is pointing the wrong
way, so you end up peeing on the wall, the floor, or yourself.
You
may have developed your own technique for dealing with this catch-22,
but if not, here are some methods to take care of the aiming part,
customized for the angle of your dangle.
The Flying Wallenda
If your erection angles up acutely, pointing at the ceiling, you’re out
of luck. Your best bet is to install a trapeze over your toilet so you
can hang upside down and let gravity do the rest. Warning: Attempting
this maneuver using the shower curtain rod may result in head injury.
Strong Arming
This is the brute force method. If your penis points straight out or
up, you may have to bend it to your will. Grasp the shaft or press down
on the top gently but firmly so your boner bends downward, pointing
toward the bowl. Keep the pressure on and don’t let it slip, or you may
end up spraying the wall or squirting yourself in the face. Note: In
some cases this won’t work because bending constricts the flow of urine
too much. If your erection is too hard, don’t force it down – you could
break something, seriously.
The Lunge
If your morning wood slopes at a downward angle, consider yourself
blessed. All you need to do is lunge forward so your stream of urine
angles into the toilet. This prevents you from overshooting the bowl.
Toward the end, as your stream gets weaker, you can deepen the lunge to
avoid dribbling on the floor.
Downward Dog
This position will work for just about anybody, but it is a little
difficult to get into, and – if someone walks in on you – potentially
kind of embarrassing. Stand facing away from the toilet, with a foot on
either side of the bowl. Bend forward at the waist until you’re
touching the floor (or the opposing wall, or the tub, depending on your
bathroom layout). Adjust your stance so your junk is well inside the
bowl - you don't want the pee to run down your front. If you get
caught, claim that you like to wake up with a morning yoga workout.
Note:
This position may encourage you to take better aim in general, since it
will bring you face-to-face with the residue of near-misses and
splatters that coat the floor and outer bowl surface.The Plank
Another one for guys who point straight out or slightly down. Stand a
foot or two away from the toilet and lean forward, supporting your
weight by putting your hands on the wall above the toilet. Take aim and
hold your body rigid. This position also strengthens your abs and core
muscles.
The Girly Man
Sometimes you just have to suck it up and sit down to pee. Sit on the
john with your legs apart and lean forward so your penis points down
into the bowl. You may have to press down on your erection slightly to
make sure you don't pee out and down the front of the bowl. And no,
sitting down doesn’t make you any less manly, especially if there are
extenuating circumstances. What? You say it’s so long you can’t keep it
from dragging in the water? Oh, alright then.
Leg Up
It’s not uncommon to have an erection that curves to one side or the
other. If yours does this, you’ll need to compensate accordingly. Use
the bathroom walls to brace yourself as you balance on one foot and
tilt your body until your curve is pointing down toward the toilet
bowl. You might want to install a grab bar by the toilet if you do this
regularly.
The Superman
If you're a man of steel in the morning, you might as well be a
superhero. Tie on the bedsheet for a cape, mount the bowl in a single
bound, and make like you're flying. Hopefully the pressure relief will
be like Kryptonite for your boner.
And for those women wondering wtf is this..this what we deal with in the morning.
Bless,