^lmfao

i love the savings bond one

Q: What should you give a keyboard player who has everything?
A: A bass player to show him how to work it.

Q: Why do only 10% of guitar players make it to heaven?
A: Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

Q: How many sound technicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, two, one, two

Q: How many beatmakers does it take to change a light bulb?
One. Upon finding no replacement, he takes the original apart, repairs it with a chewing gum wrapper and duct tape, changes the screw mount to bayonet mount, finds an appropriate patch cable, and re-installs the bulb fifty feet from where it should have been, to the satisfaction of his crew.

Q: in the future, how many beatmakers will you need to change a light bulb?
A: Five, Four to reminisce about how much better the old tubes were, and one to actually do it.

Q: How many producers does it take to change a light bulb?
Q: Two, one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

Q: What happens if you play blues music backwards?
A: Your wife returns to you, your dog comes back to life, and you get out of prison.

Q: What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
A: New Age music.


An architect, an artist and a producer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

The producer said, "I like both."

"Both?"

The engineer said, "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they'll each assume you're spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the studio and get some work done."

OHHHHHHH!!!! RIGHT! My bad. I had no idea it would start automatically. Sorry for that! truly!

sorry for the language...i got this in a text a few months back lolz

Okay mate, the cops are onto us! They say they're after a sexy motherfunker and a retard. They've already got me so grab your helmet and crayons and run like funk!!

LOL^

one night a blond, brunette, and a redhead were running from a cop after they escaped from jail. they eventually saw an empty barn so they went inside and found three empty sacks. the brunnete said "hey, we should hide from the cops in these sacks right here!" so the girls agreed and the three of them each hid inside their own sack.

the cops pulled up to the barn and one of the cops got out and said "hey, i think they are in this barn." his partner said "why dont you go in there and check it out?" the cop agreed and went inside the barn to find 3 lumpy sacks laying on the floor. he yelled outside to his partner "theres three lumpy sacks laying here, but there are no girls!" his partner said "well kick the sacks to find out if they arent hiding in them.

So the cop kicks the first sack with the brunette in it... and the brunette yells "WOOF! WOOF!". the cop yells to his partner: "Wtf... its just a funking dog"

He kicks the second sack with the redhead... and she says "Meeeoooowww" The cop is like "Oh... theres nothing but a kitten in this one...

Finally he makes his way over to the sack with the blonde in it, and gives it a heaving kick... Thinking about the noises the other two girls made, the blonde smirked and yelled out "POTATOES!!!!!"

Lol, heard these a few years ago, forgot about them till now

A year in the life of a blonde

January - Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too
tight.

February - Ordered new drapes for her computer because it had
windows.


March - Got excited when she finished a jigsaw puzzle in six months
because the box said "2-4 years."


April - Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went
out.


May - Couldn't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water wouldn't fit
into the little packet.


June - Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake
with a slope.

July - After losing in a breast stroke swimming competition,
complained to the judges that the other
swimmers were using their arms.

August - Told her blonde friend to hurry when trying to get into
their locked car using a coat hanger
because it was starting to rain and the top was down.

September - When asked what the capital of California was, she
answered "C".

October - Hates M &Ms because they are so hard to peel. Threw away
half because they were misprinted W&W.

November - Baked a turkey for four days because the instructions
said one hour per pound and she weighed 120.

December - Couldn't call 911 because there was no "11" on any phone
button.

LOLOL!!! LAKE WITH A SLOPE.

write this down and Have someone who is getting on your nerves say this 5 times fast

I
WE
TALL
DID

Nup sorry can't work out what it's meant to come out as

^ - Fisha, LOL!!

Ok, if you say it fast in an American Accent it says:

I Retarded!

Hmm really? In Aussie it just sounds like iwtldd (the d sounds twice)

damn aussies

lol Owned by Aussies x)..

Aussies dont own anything... just look at the strongest aussie to ever live... the crocodile hunter... he got owned by a sting ray.

^ LoL >.<" He got owned real bad hahaha...

Ohh low blow. You don't mention Steve Irwin around here. He was a local his entire life and still has a lot friends around here.

And Aussie's own things. We own vegemite, we own the world mate, we own tall poppy syndrome.... (believe me, you would find that fcucking funny if you were australian)

tall puppy syndrome?

Whaa?

lol ^

this is an old joke if your british your bound to have seen it. You'll understand why it would't work if i typed it...lol

I feel sorry for the store keeper. But British comedy is definately the best. Though quite sadly I don't get the last joke