It was March 19th, 2007.  We were both immature and needed eachother to fill a gaping adolescent hole in our hearts.  Just like we had both dreamed, it all began peaches and cream.  Hands on each others waists, kissing and hugging, you know, all that stuff that is written about in books and shown to you on the movie screen.  Everything was perfect in the truest sense of the word.  Everything was perfect anyways.
We dated for 2 ½ years.  Like I said, everything began great.  We were both young, I was a sophmore in high school, she was a freshman.  A match made in perverted heaven.  We both had huge insecurities about ourselves, so we helped eachother at that time with those problems.  Well, I can’t say we helped eachother.  We just propped eachother up and pretended our insecurities didn’t exist.  We post-poned eachother.
I had the same problems most horny teenagers have at that age:  A complexion comparable with that of Mt. Rushmore, fear of public speaking, no sense of clothing style other than gangster rap fads.  The usual kid with no direction.
We loved eachother.  We loved eachother without even understanding what love meant.  We told eachother we would always be honest with eachother but we never talked about what honesty was.  We both ended up jealous and fighting because of our own insecurities.  We lied to eachother.  We were happy (now is when you call bulls.h.i.t.)  Even though we were in a controlling, non-trusting, complete mismatch, we tricked ourselves into believing that the dead, wilted rose of our relationship was a beautiful bouqet arranged perfectly.
2 ½ years.  The relationship was finished from the beginning.  There is great comfort in the sound of the word love, but it shouldn’t be spoken of unless it is truly there.  I don’t know the true definition of love, I sat here thinking about it and I can’t gather the words.  I’m not sure if it’s something that is supposed to have a definition.  I always found myself squeezing out the phrase “I love you” then cringing a little afterwards.  I must have lied to multiple times a day on account of saying that.  How can you say you feel a way about something when you don’t even know what you are feeling?

- - -

Me and the girl I described above broke up about a month ago, I don’t know the exact date.  All the stress in my life is completely and utterly gone.  I realize now that it wasn’t even a relationship shortly after it began.  It was a co-dependence.  I was trying so hard to make something work that was completely and utterly doomed from the beginning.  But,  the amazing thing is the process we took to get through those 2 ½ years.
And we’ll be getting to that, among other things along the way.

Please stay tuned.  As time progresses, I’m hoping that I, the writer, and you, the reader, can both find the purpose behind this...

-Taylor Barclay 


sidenote:

Contact:  taylorb.707@gmail.com  (any questions [life help to idle chat] just email me.  Don’t hesitate to write me, but if it’s about music production please post here @ Warbeats for peat sake.  Just try to make it a thought out email is my only request.)